For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize