A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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