so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize