So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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