I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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