I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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