I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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