oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
