Say something about gay babies.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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