u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
please don't ironically join a cult
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