another moral hangover. fuck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize