I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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