guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
