I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
