and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
