we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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