Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
