In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
