Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
