The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
