Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
