Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
