I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
