I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
