woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize