please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
