i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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