Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
