If that was your dad, he is hot
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
