I heard we made out
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
