It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
