I'm so fucking centered right now
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
