Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
