Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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