my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
