I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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