i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
