So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
