The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I want a musical about memes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
