let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
