I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
