I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
