don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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