Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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