we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Life is so much better after having sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
