I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
