Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
