my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
