Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
