Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize