i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
