but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
