My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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