she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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