I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
