today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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