He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
