I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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