he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
