so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
