I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
