i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
