ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i would punch a child for taco bell
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
