Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
