I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
