she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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