You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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