is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
