Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
