Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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