I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
