I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
