he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
