I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
