FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
