you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
