i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
and you fell through a lawn chair
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
