TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
