he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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