I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
