weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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