and you said cock pushups were impossible
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
