Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
