Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
