The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
