I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
