A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
