too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I touched a dick in church today
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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