he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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