Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
