Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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