I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
