I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
