OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize